Sunday, November 14, 2010


Hello Son,                                                            (continue from Call 54)

After our lunch, Mom brought out her lap top to see if we could upload your 3rd video, IF I DIE YOUNG

Justine took a break from her books and did the video up on Monday. 

The upload bar-line showed a note to say the video will take some 129 minutes or so to be uploaded. The connection at PappaRich is definitely not for uploading videos, that's for sure.

So, Mom went to Aunty H's house and got the video on YouTube in about 15 minutes or so. 

This song truly, truly, truly makes us think of You. 

Say what You like but each line is so connected to You that Mom feels You have something to do with the lyrics. You must have inspired the composer and whispered some lines You wanted to be included for a personal connection with your family. 

You found a way to confirm Mom's thoughts about the above in Call 47. An intuition.

Between Mother and Son ...

 If I Die Young 
(The Band Perry)

If I die young, bury me in satin

Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn

Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh, uh oh

You did die young, before your time. 

Then again, who's to say when's your time, except for God. 

Yes, we buried You in satin. You were also covered with roses before the door of your white spaceship-casket was closed and You were lowered down from where your family and friends were gathered to see You off, at dawn, before launching your shuttle to the Final Destination, Paradise Heaven, where God, the Queen of Heaven and all His Angels were eagerly waiting for your arrival. 

What an awesome occasion that must have been. :D

Uh oh, uh oh ...



Lord, make me a rainbow 

I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with You 

when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what You think it ought to be, no

Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

This paragraph is from You. 

This message can only come from You. 

Only You will know the anguish and grief of your mother when You had to go. It doesn't matter how old the child is, but when the child goes to God before the mother, it's always, always, always devastating and heart-wrenching. Even when the child is 70 and the mother is 99. The emotional trauma is the same. The level of pain, excruciating. 

Seeing You ask the Lord to make You a rainbow, so You can shine down on your mother, is such a personal request to God to assure your mother that You are safe with Him. How ironic but true, LIFE isn't always what we think it ought to be. Had someone told your mother on the day You were born, that some 15 years later, You'd be gone, she would had walloped them senseless. 

You know what, somebody did tell her something to that effect, which was said once, and never repeated but it came crashing through her when You were first diagnosed with the tumor at 7.

Your mother was at the time in second year of law school. 

It was during the summer holidays, and she was back in KL. She was attending a gathering at a friend's house. There, she happened to be sitting next to a boy (a friend of her friend's) and they had struck up a casual conversation. 

For some reason, he had asked her, "So how many kids You think You gonna have?"

Mind You, your mother could have been like, 20 or 21 at the time. Kids? That was the last thing on her mind. Who thinks of KIDS at that age? Certainly not her. However, for the sake of having a friendly conversation, strange as that one might have been, Mom had said uncertainly, 

"One ...?" 

to which the boy replied, 

"Then You must have two."


He continued, "In case one dies."

Who talks like that???

Reflecting back to the time, isn't it weird for her to have that sort of conversation in the first place? Is there anybody out there who has  had a similar experience, she wonders ...  anyone - who's ever had that line spoken to them ...

Or was that line just meant for her? 

Life truly ain't what You think it's gonna be. 

Ain't even grey as she buries her baby ...

Uh-oh ... Uh-oh ... 

The sharp knife of a short life, well

I've had, just enough time

The sharp knife ... 

How many times did You have to undergo the sharp knife just to live a little longer. It's just like You, to want to assure your family through this song now that, well, You've had just enough time. You've taught us be grateful and to continue to thank and to trust the Lord in the most impossible of situations. 

God called You home at an early age, and yet, You show us how You exercise gratitude by telling us that, You've - had - just - enough - time, indirectly confirming that God's timing in calling You, is just perfect ... 

If I die young, bury me in satin

Lay me down on a, bed of roses

Sink me in the river, at dawn

Send me away with the words of a love song

Yes, we did sing songs of love before sending You away. 

You gave Mom the strength to sing the song FOR THOSE TEARS I DIED at your Farewell Mass on the 23 January 2010, amidst other beautiful love hymns. 

The sharp knife of a short life, well

I've had, just enough time

Yet another recurrence ... 

Another delicate operation under the sharp knife ...

And I'll be wearing white, when I come into Your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little, cold finger

You were wearing an orange checked casual shirt with a WHITE jumper-suit and your favorite faded blue jeans, on the day You met the Lord. You had a ring on your lil cold finger too. Justine had given You that ring on your last birthday, on Christmas Eve 2009, less than a month before your departure. We had decided to remove the ring before we sent You off. Your sister wants to retain that special bond she has with You, with her ...

... for always. 

I've never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when He was holding my hand

Despite our saying over and over and over that we know God loves us, You have now shed a new light, that perhaps we really don't know just how much God loves us and we cannot begin to even understand the depth of God's love. 

Our thoughts are not His thoughts. 

Our ways, are not His ways. 

What concerns us, do not concern God. 

What troubles us, do not trouble God. 

After all, we belong to Him from the start right to the end. We come from God and we will go back to God. Sooner or later, we will go back to Him, each one of us, one by one. We all want to be with God. 

Our final destination - God's Kingdom.

Heaven. The place of paradise beyond our comprehension. To live happily ever after with our Savior, forever and ever.

There's a boy here in town says he'll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life, well

I've had, just enough time

Since this is your song, here's the one line for You, says Daniel to the female-composer. :D The first line. 

Yeah, who would have thought FOREVER could be severed by a knife, sharp or not. Thankfully, the Lord has promised us that FOREVER in Heaven will be so different. Nothing can sever our lives after that and we will live eternally with Him.

This time - really FOREVER!

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls

What I never did is done

Dad says he can hear You saying that pearl-line to your church-friends in jest. :D Grin.

What You never did is done ... 

Well, You've never left your family before to go out on your own without coming back. Don't even get me started to where You have gone, and who are with now. It could go on forever. 

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner

I'm a goner ... 

Hmm, we have heard You say this line more than a few times when You were on your video games especially in the middle of a very exciting or challenging level where the ending is abrupt or unexpected. 

You would exclaim the line in child-like frustration ... 

Argh, I'm a goner! 

Even your thoughts of changing a penny to a dollar is so very You. 

Honestly Daniel, this song just screams of You.

And maybe then you'll hear the words I've been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

It is so ironic but very true that only NOW, when You are not around, Mom hears the words of the songs You've been singing. Yes, it is funny. True humor stems from real tragedies, if You notice. Just wished though that You didn't have to use the 4 letter word. It never fails to send goose bumps to your mother whenever she sees the word. Couldn't You say instead, 

Funny when You're not around how people start listenin' 

Not that appropriate huh, the 3 syllable word ... 

Oh well ...

Had Mom known that the day would come when her Son would be communicating with her through music and lyrics, she would have recorded every single song that he's ever sung in his life time. How could she have known? She just thought You like to sing and rock about when You're at it.

One very clear example is the night before You left us. Even that, she didn't get. You sang 2 songs to your mother the eve of your departure. 

The first song :  


It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without You (God)

The second song :  

Tonight will be the night that I will fall for You (God)
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl (God) like You is impossible to find
Impossible to find

How ironic ...

... that both the songs had suggested to your mother that, You may not make it through the night and that You won't live to see another day, yet she didn't get it. She really didn't get it! Having said that, to be fair, your mother really wasn't all that familiar with the lyrics of the songs You were singing then. 

Had she known, she would have let You sing all night and not asked You to take a rest and go to sleep. You really did go into a very deep sleep after that, and that was the last time she saw You awake as You left us the next day.

If I die young, bury me in satin

Lay me down on a, bed of roses

Sink me in the river, at dawn

Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh (uh, oh)

The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)

Go with peace and love

Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need them, oh
The sharp knife of a short life, well

I've had, just enough time
So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls 

Gather up your tears ...

Don't be sad for me ... 

You seem to say, because You really are in the best possible place anyone could be, and what could be more awesome than to help God watch over your family and friends now. You're safe with Jesus, that's all that matters.

Just that we miss You so very much.

God knows that, and maybe that's why He's made it possible for Mom and You to still communicate daily in our own way on our own connection.

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls ...

You cleverly end the song very nicely with the one line that reminds us all of your funny and enchanting sense of humor. 

Yes, that boyish charming humor that we miss so very dearly. :(



Talk to You in a bit, Son. Have to help Dad prepare lunch.